Tower of Turgidity

Vexler Quoin was an appliance repairman. Then he woke up in a hundred-floor Tower where the monsters are women, the battles are anything but conventional, and his most important combat stat is Turgidity. The rules are simple: climb alone, defeat each floor’s guardian, and try not to think too hard about why the System is tracking Girth, Length, Staying Power, Recovery, Control, Sensitivity, Virility, and Load with the solemn precision of a military logistics program. Unfortunately, Vexler is very good at thinking too hard. Every floor introduces a new problem. A minotaur who treats restraint like a tutorial. A slime who weaponizes Sensitivity. A lamia who punishes struggling. A spider who teaches Vexler that a “perfect” build can still be perfectly wrong. And somewhere above them all waits a dragon examiner with thirty-two floors of evidence documenting every stupid decision he has ever made. To survive, Vexler will have to learn that bigger numbers are not always better, equipment is useless if he forgets to equip it, and an erection can apparently have an aggro radius. The Tower wants a champion. It got a sarcastic repairman with a wrench, questionable priorities, and increasingly alarming character stats. Tower of Turgidity is a shamelessly comedic adult monster-girl LitRPG featuring a solo protagonist, absurdly serious sexual progression mechanics, tactical encounters, build experimentation, monster women who actually matter to the plot, and one man’s increasingly desperate attempt to optimize the least dignified character sheet ever created.